Argument Essay (3)

Melynda Phillips

Richards

English 1301

November 3, 2014

Dating With a Purpose

            Casual dating is extremely common with this generation's adolescents.  Many teens today have boyfriends and girlfriends who come and go.  Recreational dating is practically a social standard in today's society of teens.  Not having a boyfriend or girlfriend means not being “cool.”  If somebody is not dating, they are not with the “in crowd.”  The issue with this is that they do not maintain these “relationships”; for example, teens will date the same person for a month or two and then break-up. Even though these relationships last miniscule amounts of time, the breakups still damage them both mentally and physically.  When a teen goes through so many breakups, each one scarring their heart a little deeper, it only emotionally hardens them and makes it easier for them to justify future breakups and even divorce.  To prevent emotional and physical trauma, dating should only be used when one is ready to find their future spouse.

            Many teens date, but why?  People may argue that dating is a necessity for development in adolescents (Viejo Almanzor, 2012), as it could teach them how to maintain a relationship.  Teens may learn respect for others' emotions and to expect the same in return; they can also learn to have empathy and to care for people through relationships.  However, one could also gain experience in maintaining relationships simply by having friendships and family relations.  Why should people date if they can learn the same life lessons without the heartbreak?  There is no point in dating unless you are looking for a future spouse.  Dating at a young age only causes trauma and heartache from the frequent breakups involved.

            Teens are simply not mature enough to maintain a real solid relationship, nor are they ready to think about marriage.  When a young adult is ready to settle down, get married, and possibly start a family, then they should start dating.  Until then, there is no reason for them to cause themselves problems.  As a teenager myself, I do not feel the need for a romantic relationship and do not understand why I would need one at this point.  While I have not experienced heartbreak from a breakup with a boyfriend or girlfriend, I have experienced it with regular friends.  I imagine breaking up with a boyfriend would hurt much worse, but just splitting with my friend hurt badly enough.  How anyone could go through this pain, multiple times on a larger scale amazes me.  I noticed after splitting with my friend, I have trouble becoming emotionally attached to other people and I have trouble trusting them.  And while my friend and I have forgiven each other I still do not feel comfortable with her anymore.  How could this be “good and developmental” for teens?  The way I see it, these experiences only teach them to shut people out.

            Many people realize that breakups can cause emotional distress, but it has recently been found that they can also cause physical distress.  Studies have shown that the figurative term “heartache” can be taken quite literally.  “Rejection in romantic relationships is said to be so painful that people are “not only in agony, but incapacitated”” (Field et al, 2009).  People involved in recent breakups are known to experience rapid heartbeats, palpitations, chest tightness, and shortness of breath.  Other studies have shown that break-ups cause physical pain; participants received four fMRIs (functional magnetic resonance imaging) each; two to test physical pain and two to test emotional pain.  To test physical pain participants received two kinds of stimulation on their forearm called “hot trials” and “warm trials.”  The results from this were compared to results from a test in which participants viewed a picture of their ex-partner and another where they viewed a picture of a friend the same gender as the ex-partner.  The fMRIs showed practically the same results when comparing the “hot trial” to the “ex-partner test” and the “warm trial” to the “friend test.”  Participants were also asked to rank how they felt on a scale of one to five after each trial.  The results from each trial/test comparison were equivalent (Flaskerud, 2011).  This study and many others successfully demonstrate the connection between physical and mental distress; breakups can cause real pain.

            The breakups involved in teen dating can cause many psychological issues.  These can include  depression, anxiety, and other psychological trouble.  When a person goes through a break-up, they may experience many stages of depression: complicated grief, self-blame, and hopelessness. Complicated grief is often associated with those suffering depression from a recent death; however, it can also be found in those who have gone through a breakup.  Complicated grief consists of intense intrusive thoughts, severe emotional outbreaks, excessive loneliness and emptiness, sleep disturbances, and lack of motivation.  Victims of a breakup can also feel as if they were rejected.  This feeling of rejection can affect people with symptoms similar to those of drug withdrawal of cocaine or opioids; these include the obvious anxiety, depression, and crying, as well as loss of appetite, and irritability (Field et al, 2009).  These symptoms similar to both complicated grief and drug withdrawal can be found extremely prominent in those who recently experienced a breakup.

            The distress and depression resulting from breakups can also cause long-term issues.  Victims may go through phases of self-blame and hopelessness.  They feel as though it is their fault this particular relationship did not work and that they will cause problems in all relationships.  This may cause them to have anxiety and skepticism is future relationships for fear of their future another break-up.  They may become guarded with their emotions and stay distant from the person they are dating in order to save themselves from heartbreak.  This distance will only damage the new relationship and possibly lead to another breakup, making the situation even worse. 

            After a going through many breakups, one can become “hardened” to the emotional pain.  Eventually, the ending of a relationship may mean nothing to them.  How is it “okay” to leave somebody you were supposed to love?  It should not be, but when adolescents date they become accustomed to the constant switching of boyfriends and girlfriends.  While, the split-ups still hurt, they are normal for the teens; they do not think anything is wrong with the breakups.  This hardening can make it easier to breakup with someone, or even, on a larger scale, divorce somebody over an insignificant matter.  A marriage is supposed to be forever, but the way these adolescents think handle their relationships now will carry over to when they are married.

            Why would anyone put themselves through all this pain with no purpose?   Adolescent dating only brings pain and emotional scarring that lasts a lifetime.  The inevitable breakups, due to immaturity, will cause much grief and heartache.  The truth is, unless you are ready for marriage, there is no point in dating.  It is simply not worth the trouble and heartbreak it causes.

 Works Cited

Boelen, Paul A., and Albert Reijntjes. "Negative Cognitions In Emotional Problems Following       Romantic Relationship Break-Ups."Stress & Health: Journal Of The International Society For           The Investigation Of Stress 25.1 (2009): 11-19. Academic Search Complete. Web. 26 Oct. 2014.

Field, Tiffany, et al. "Breakup Distress In University Students: A Review." College Student             Journal 45.3 (2011): 461-480.Academic Search Complete. Web. 26 Oct. 2014.

Flaskerud, Jacquelyn H. "Heartbreak And Physical Pain Linked In Brain." Issues In Mental Health             Nursing 32.12 (2011): 789-791.Academic Search Complete. Web. 26 Oct. 2014.

Viejo Almanzor, Carmen, Virginia Sánchez Jiménez, and Rosario Ortega Ruiz. "The Importance Of             Adolescent Dating Relationships." Psicothema 25.1 (2013): 43-48. Academic Search Complete.    Web. 26 Oct. 2014.

Melynda Phillips

Richards

English 1301

November 3, 2014

Argument Paper Reflection

            For this assignment I chose to write on dating with a purpose; this topic is extremely important to me because I see so many girls my age going through heartbreak after heartbreak.  And for what?  Just to fit in?  To me this is absolutely ridiculous and it needs to be brought to people attention what damage this casual adolescent dating can cause.

            While I had much to say on this particular topic, I found it hard to write this paper because it was difficult to find the necessary sources to back my claims up (I wrote my rough draft before I knew I could use Google Scholar).  I wasted much of my time trying to do research on an extremely uncommon subject.

            Once I did get my research done and had my sources I had difficulty getting my paper to the required length.  My paper started as only two pages and I had no idea how to lengthen it.  I finally got my paper barely to the minimum of four pages, but doing so, I feel, required a ton a rambling on my part.  I feel my paper has a lot of unnecessary bits and pieces, that if it were not for the set length of essay, I would remove.

            With all said and done I would likely grade this paper as a C.  It is not my best work and I do not feel it is well put together.