Melynda Phillips
Richards
English 1301
November 3, 2014
Dating
With a Purpose
Casual
dating is extremely common with this generation's adolescents. Many teens today have boyfriends and
girlfriends who come and go.
Recreational dating is practically a social standard in today's society
of teens. Not having a boyfriend or
girlfriend means not being “cool.” If
somebody is not dating, they are not with the “in crowd.” The issue with this is that they do not
maintain these “relationships”; for example, teens will date the same person
for a month or two and then break-up. Even though these relationships last
miniscule amounts of time, the breakups still damage them both mentally and physically. When a teen goes through so many breakups,
each one scarring their heart a little deeper, it only emotionally hardens them
and makes it easier for them to justify future breakups and even divorce. To prevent emotional and physical trauma,
dating should only be used when one is ready to find their future spouse.
Many teens date, but
why? People may argue that dating is a
necessity for development in adolescents (Viejo Almanzor, 2012), as it could
teach them how to maintain a relationship.
Teens may learn respect for others' emotions and to expect the same in
return; they can also learn to have empathy and to care for people through
relationships. However, one could also
gain experience in maintaining relationships simply by having friendships and
family relations. Why should people date
if they can learn the same life lessons without the heartbreak? There is no point in dating unless you are
looking for a future spouse. Dating at a
young age only causes trauma and heartache from the frequent breakups involved.
Teens are simply not
mature enough to maintain a real solid relationship, nor are they ready to
think about marriage. When a young adult
is ready to settle down, get married, and possibly start a family, then they should
start dating. Until then, there is no
reason for them to cause themselves problems.
As a teenager myself, I do not feel the need for a romantic relationship
and do not understand why I would need one at this point. While I have not experienced heartbreak from
a breakup with a boyfriend or girlfriend, I have experienced it with regular
friends. I imagine breaking up with a
boyfriend would hurt much worse, but just splitting with my friend hurt badly
enough. How anyone could go through this
pain, multiple times on a larger scale amazes me. I noticed after splitting with my friend, I
have trouble becoming emotionally attached to other people and I have trouble
trusting them. And while my friend and I
have forgiven each other I still do not feel comfortable with her anymore. How could this be “good and developmental”
for teens? The way I see it, these
experiences only teach them to shut people out.
Many
people realize that breakups can cause emotional distress, but it has recently
been found that they can also cause physical distress. Studies have shown that the figurative term
“heartache” can be taken quite literally.
“Rejection in romantic relationships is said to be so painful that people
are “not only in agony, but incapacitated”” (Field et al, 2009). People involved
in recent breakups are known to experience rapid heartbeats, palpitations,
chest tightness, and shortness of breath.
Other studies have shown that break-ups cause physical pain;
participants received four fMRIs (functional magnetic resonance imaging) each;
two to test physical pain and two to test emotional pain. To test physical pain participants received
two kinds of stimulation on their forearm called “hot trials” and “warm
trials.” The results from this were
compared to results from a test in which participants viewed a picture of their
ex-partner and another where they viewed a picture of a friend the same gender
as the ex-partner. The fMRIs showed
practically the same results when comparing the “hot trial” to the “ex-partner
test” and the “warm trial” to the “friend test.” Participants were also asked to rank how they
felt on a scale of one to five after each trial. The results from each trial/test comparison
were equivalent (Flaskerud, 2011). This
study and many others successfully demonstrate the connection between physical
and mental distress; breakups can cause real pain.
The distress and
depression resulting from breakups can also cause long-term issues. Victims may go through phases of self-blame
and hopelessness. They feel as though it
is their fault this particular relationship did not work and that they will
cause problems in all relationships.
This may cause them to have anxiety and skepticism is future
relationships for fear of their future another break-up. They may become guarded with their emotions
and stay distant from the person they are dating in order to save themselves
from heartbreak. This distance will only
damage the new relationship and possibly lead to another breakup, making the
situation even worse.
After a going through
many breakups, one can become “hardened” to the emotional pain. Eventually, the ending of a relationship may
mean nothing to them. How is it “okay”
to leave somebody you were supposed to love?
It should not be, but when adolescents date they become accustomed to
the constant switching of boyfriends and girlfriends. While, the split-ups still hurt, they are
normal for the teens; they do not think anything is wrong with the
breakups. This hardening can make it
easier to breakup with someone, or even, on a larger scale, divorce somebody
over an insignificant matter. A marriage
is supposed to be forever, but the way these adolescents think handle their
relationships now will carry over to when they are married.
Why
would anyone put themselves through all this pain with no purpose? Adolescent dating only brings pain and
emotional scarring that lasts a lifetime.
The inevitable breakups, due to immaturity, will cause much grief and
heartache. The truth is, unless you are
ready for marriage, there is no point in dating. It is simply not worth the trouble and
heartbreak it causes.
Works
Cited
Boelen,
Paul A., and Albert Reijntjes. "Negative Cognitions In Emotional Problems
Following Romantic Relationship
Break-Ups."Stress & Health:
Journal Of The International Society For The
Investigation Of Stress 25.1 (2009): 11-19. Academic Search Complete. Web. 26 Oct. 2014.
Field, Tiffany, et al. "Breakup
Distress In University Students: A Review." College Student Journal 45.3
(2011): 461-480.Academic Search Complete.
Web. 26 Oct. 2014.
Flaskerud,
Jacquelyn H. "Heartbreak And Physical Pain Linked In Brain." Issues In Mental Health Nursing 32.12 (2011):
789-791.Academic Search Complete.
Web. 26 Oct. 2014.
Viejo
Almanzor, Carmen, Virginia Sánchez Jiménez, and Rosario Ortega Ruiz. "The
Importance Of Adolescent
Dating Relationships." Psicothema 25.1
(2013): 43-48. Academic Search
Complete. Web. 26 Oct. 2014.
Melynda Phillips
Richards
English 1301
November 3, 2014
Argument
Paper Reflection
For
this assignment I chose to write on dating with a purpose; this topic is
extremely important to me because I see so many girls my age going through
heartbreak after heartbreak. And for what? Just to fit in? To me this is absolutely ridiculous and it
needs to be brought to people attention what damage this casual adolescent
dating can cause.
While
I had much to say on this particular topic, I found it hard to write this paper
because it was difficult to find the necessary sources to back my claims up (I
wrote my rough draft before I knew I could use Google Scholar). I wasted much of my time trying to do
research on an extremely uncommon subject.
Once
I did get my research done and had my sources I had difficulty getting my paper
to the required length. My paper started
as only two pages and I had no idea how to lengthen it. I finally got my paper barely to the minimum
of four pages, but doing so, I feel, required a ton a rambling on my part. I feel my paper has a lot of unnecessary bits
and pieces, that if it were not for the set length of essay, I would remove.
With
all said and done I would likely grade this paper as a C. It is not my best work and I do not feel it is well put together.
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